Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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