I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
