i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
