You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
