put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
