So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
