I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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