All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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