Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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