I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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