WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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