I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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