It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
