omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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