Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There are leaves in my underwear?
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