Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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