We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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