week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
