you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
