wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
