i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
