I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
