She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
