Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
