I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
