I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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