epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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