I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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