these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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