lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
