You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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