found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
