a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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