Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
