He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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