i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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