I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
