why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
