Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
