So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
