I have demons in me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
