Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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