A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
