tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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