Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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