all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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