Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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