The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize