My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
