Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My cat gives me a boner
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
