i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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