so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
