It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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