smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
