Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
