apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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