and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
