i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
